Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
