That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
why do cheetos always look like penises
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
