she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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