I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
