hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
