I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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