I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
