why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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