I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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