Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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