Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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