i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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