Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize