Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
