Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
