a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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