worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Farmville is her only friend.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
