Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
