4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
