just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
3 2 1 whiskey
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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