Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
