I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize