1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
