we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
