did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
