I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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