I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
