so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
