Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
