You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize