Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
