so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
