i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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