Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
