Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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