man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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