i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
