I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
