I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
