I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
