Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
