Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
