the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
