I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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