You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
