I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
