The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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