for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize