Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
