well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
