Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
