Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
