..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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