Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
