i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
