im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
