ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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