how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
