Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
we're so committed to being not committed
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
