It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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