When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
