my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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