Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We were destined to go to rehab together
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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