This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
