You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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