I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
