upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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