My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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